this is still the best story ever told at a talk show
Our local animal rehab center just posted pics of this owl who got rescued
And I really can’t with him
oh my god
What even
They tried to make me go to rehab
I said no, no, no
“pussy” is the dumbest insult ever youre literally calling someone a vagina. and if youre not calling someone a vagina, youre calling them a cat. both are fucking awesome and youre lame as hell
Someone obviously doesn’t understand slang references or never heard of urbandictionary.com
ur url is literally “gdtopjongkeyhyde999” u cant tell me shit
I’d like to cancel my subscription to Menstrual Cycle Monthly
I’m sorry, it appears you’ve taken out a fifty-sixty year subscription. However, we can pause it for nine months as long as you sign a contract that says you’ll take out a subscription to Baby Daily for at least eighteen years
Damn those Terms and Conditions.
David Tennant’s Visible Accent Appreciation Post
FUCKING CHRIST
in the last one you can FUCKNG SEE THE SCOTTISH
keep adventuring and stay not a grown-up!
A haiku about Mario Kart
Are you kidding me
Who the fuck threw that blue shell
I will fuck you up
one time my girlfriend texted me this blurry picture of a thermometer and there was a second where i had a heart attack because i thought it was a pregnancy test but then i came to the realization that we’re lesbians
i-wanna-get-in-englands-pants:
the worst fuckin thing is
“oh you sing? are you a good singer? SING SOMETHING FOR ME RIGHT NOW”
“do you draw? you do? DRAW ME”
like no
“you write? MAKE ME A CHARACTER IN YOUR STORY”
“you act? CRY FOR ME RIGHT NOW”
“You speak that language?! Say something in it!”
“you murder? KILL ME RIGHT NOW”
The last one seems more doable
